The Story Of My First Ever Date.

When I was eight, I went on a date with a boy named Alex.

Alex was nine.

I was quite nervous and excited, as most people tend to be on their first date with an older man.

At the time, I thought that Alex was very cool because he had a pair of Spiderman sunglasses which he wore all the time, even when it was cloudy.

He also owned a sick pair of wheels in the form of a scooter and I therefore assumed that he was the kind of guy who could whisk me off into the sunset – or as close to sunset as we could get before his legs got tired.

I had also once witnessed Alex do a wheelie on his scooter and he hadn’t been wearing a helmet or elbow pads at the time, which was exactly the display of death-defying daredevilry that really got my heart racing.

Looking back, I now realise that my perception of Alex was slightly warped.

In reality, Alex probably looked a bit like this:

img_0079

But, to eight year old me, he was a practically a god on two wheels.

img_0087As far as I was concerned, I had bagged myself an absolute stud and, as a result, I had high expectations our date.

However, once we actually sat down together, it quickly became apparent that we had absolutely nothing in common.

img_0082-1

After 10 minutes of uncomfortable silence, Alex cracked.

img_0084I hadn’t been expecting to get engaged 10 minutes into my first ever date.

I thought that things were potentially moving a bit fast but I was new to the world of dating and didn’t really understand how things worked so I just assumed that this was the natural rate at which the majority of relationships progressed.

I reasoned that organising a wedding would give us something to talk about and obviously didn’t realise that there were other ways of escaping an awkward silence than committing myself to a lifetime of matrimony.

We recruited Alex’s friend, Derek, to conduct the ceremony and wrote the word ‘priest’ on his head in Sharpie to make things feel a bit more official.

img_0080-1-e1521363834820.jpgAs a result, our wedding ceremony was a bit unorthodox.img_0089

Towards the end of the ceremony, Derek asked us if we promised to love each other for all eternity.

Alex said that he swore on his Blue Eyes White Dragon Yugioh card which, according to him, was his most prized possession.

He told me that it was one of the best Yugioh cards in existence and that he had been forced to go to some serious measures to acquire it.

For a while, I entertained myself by imagining the noble and chivalrous deeds that my new husband had undertaken in order to obtain the card.

img_0090.jpg

However, as is often the case in life, the reality of the situation did not exactly match up to my expectations – it turned out that Alex had forged a number of fake Yugioh cards and swapped them with another boy in exchange for the Blue Eyes White Dragon card.

Our marriage disintegrated pretty rapidly from there.

I decided that I could not possibly be wed to such a corrupt and soulless man and decided to annul the marriage there and then.

Alex consequently asked me for his gummy ring back so I took off the ring and ate it right in front of his disbelieving face.

It remains, to this day, the most badass thing that I’ve ever done.

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to check out some of my other posts. For more blog posts and drawings, you can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

14 thoughts on “The Story Of My First Ever Date.

  1. I can’t stop laughing…you’re such a bad ass! Chewing up that gummy ring AWESOME. Take that wheeley poppin’ scooter dude. you better get outta here before I stomp on your spiderman sunglasses. And yes, don’t all girls want a display of death-defying daredevilry that really gets all hearts racing. Doesn’t his “fake card” thingy fall in line with his daredevilry persona?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wait a minute…
    I had a friend called Derek who married me to Sylvia with the aid of a Hula Hoop (the tasty potato based snack, not the exercise ring). And she ate it before the ceremony was even complete! You aren’t Sylvia, are you? Just changed the names a bit?
    😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Brilliant. My almost-five year old daughter is currently terrifying a five year old class mate into marriage. Poor kid looks like he’s staring down the devil herself…

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s