When I was younger, I used to have a very vivid imagination and spent a lot of time immersing myself in fictional worlds.
When I watched films like Lord of the Rings, I always identified with the main protagonists – I thought I’d be brave and courageous like Arogorn or Legolas or loyal and determined like Sam.
I guess I assumed that when a great crisis came along that threatened the entire world, I would grow up to be one of the heroes at the centre of the action, facing the threat head on.
However, as I’ve progressed into adulthood, I’ve come to realise that the person that I perceive myself to be doesn’t always match up with the person who I actually am in reality.
For a while now, I’ve had a sneaking suspicion that I might actually be one of life’s generic background characters and, if anything, the coronavirus pandemic has served to confirm this.
Nowadays, I’ve drastically lowered my expectations.
If I were a character in Lord of the Rings, I wouldn’t be Frodo or SamWise Gamgee – I reckon I’d be one of the bog-standard Hobbits that sat on my arse in the Shire whilst shit went down, progressively making my way through multiple meals a day with no real idea of what was going on.
This is a more accurate representation of how I’ve spent my days in this time of national crisis.
Sitting at home with my thoughts is challenging in its own way.
Whilst I may be feeling powerless to change external circumstances, at the beginning of April I decided I could still adopt the mindset of a hero and work on myself so that I would exit lockdown feeling more physically and mentally robust than when I entered it.
My childhood protagonist complex kicked in again and I had visions of myself effortlessly holding my body in strenuous yoga positions like Luke Skywalker in ‘The Empire Strikes Back’.
However, if you’ve read my previous blog post, you will know that my attempts transform myself into a zen yogic goddess weren’t particularly successful…
As the days and weeks have melded into one long strange expanse of time, my self-disapline has run off with my sanity, leaving me with a physical and mental state that more closely resemble Jabba the Hutt and that weird crazed rat creature that hangs out with him.
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3 thoughts on “I Think I Might Be A Background Character In My Own Life…”
Love this line! I can relate: “I’ve had a sneaking suspicion that I might actually be one of life’s generic background characters.”
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Yes, in semi-isolation at home, sheltering-in-place, I’m surprised to realize how much I depended upon outside stimulations of seeing people and places, and hearing (and smelling) for my writing stimulation. The COVID-19 experience has opened my eyes.
You are not a background character, you are the star of your own series and everyone else is a background character.