4 Real Life Halloween Characters.

It’s Halloween!

In order to celebrate this, I have created a quick list of a few classic Halloween characters that also exist in everyday life.

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Sometimes, it is hard to distinguish a zombie’s clumsy, lethargic movements from those of the average human as they stumble towards the nearest source of caffeine on a Monday Morning.

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Is it a ghost or just someone who has become trapped in their duvet cover after climbing inside in a vain attempt to locate the corners?

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3.

img_0315-1Vampires are creatures of the night – they are notoriously sensitive to light, preferring to stick to darkened spaces.

The majority of hungover people tend to behave in a similar way.

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4.

img_0319-1The ‘Monster Under The Bed’ is a common feature in a wide range of Halloween films.

However, in reality, often the only thing haunting most people in the middle of the night is their own mind.

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4 Reasons Why Everyday Life Is Scarier Than Halloween.

Halloween is supposed to be the scariest day of the year.

However, I find it strangely calming.

I think this is because everyday life tends freak me out on a regular basis and, at least at Halloween, I have legitimate reason to feel this way.

Creatures such as ghosts, vampires, werewolves and witches are specifically designed to induce a sense of fear and anxiety and it is acceptable to be afraid of them.

It is less acceptable to be afraid of receiving a phone call from an unknown user ID.

To celebrate Halloween, here are four everyday things that scare me more than any ghost, vampire, werewolf or witch ever could.

1. Finances

As a fully-grown adult, I am expected to manage my own finances which is unfortunate really because I understand money about as well as I understand supernatural forces.

Just to clarify, I’d probably have a better chance of banishing an evil spirit from my house than I would completing a tax return form.

Fortunately, I have come up with some techniques to help me wrap my mind around my finances.

Unfortunately, these techniques aren’t very effective.

My current tactic for dealing with my student debt is pretending that it doesn’t exist which is extremely counter-productive.

Because it does exist.

And it’s going to be haunting me for years…

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2. Public Speaking

Sometimes, the fact that I am scared of public speaking makes me feel like a bit of a wimp.

People are scared of vampires, zombies and other Halloween creatures because they are legitimately dangerous – they either want to drink your blood, eat your brains or cause you some other form of significant bodily harm.

The only scary thing about public speaking is the collective judgement of others.

Unfortunately, the idea of being negatively judged by multiple people causes me to experience a paralysing fear that can be equated to the abject horror that Frodo Baggins felt when looking into the eye of Sauron.

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People often tell me that the way to conquer my fear of public speaking is to approach the situation with a positive attitude and visualise success.

However, whenever I try these visualisation techniques, I just end up unearthing the ghosts of all the previous times that I messed up on stage.

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3. Dating

Modern dating is terrifying, predominantly because it is so confusing.

Technological advancements mean that a lot of communication isn’t done face to face.

As a result, when you first start dating someone, most of your time is spent desperately trying to figure out what the other person is thinking.

Unfortunately, no two people think in exactly the same way and therefore trying to understand what another person is thinking through the context of your own thought processes is impossible.

For a lot of people, communicating with a potential partner is a bit like receiving messages from another dimension.

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Sometimes, you don’t get anything back at all.

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4. The Future

The future is scary because it is a complete unknown.

We can attempt to exert some level of control over the future by planning ahead but, for the most part, it is impossible to predict what is going to happen.

Some people find this exciting.

I find it absolutely terrifying.

I do not currently have a very strong sense of identity.

In fact, Halloween is pretty much the only time of year when I actually have a solid idea of who I am.

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Therefore, when somebody asks me who I am going to be in the future, my brain suffers a system malfunction and completely shuts down and I have to find a way to actively remove myself from the conversation.

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Whenever I can manage to haul myself out of my own narcissistic, self-absorbed, millennial mind bubble for a few minutes, I also get scared about the future of mankind and the planet.

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There is no need to invest in a horror movie when you can get the same effect by simply turning on the TV.

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I honestly don’t know how we all get out of bed in the morning…

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Mice and Other More Legitimately Scary Animals That I Am Afraid Of.

As a young child, I was not afraid of many animals.

I think this was because my perception of animals was built mainly through watching Disney films such as The Lion King.

The animal characters in Disney films are complex and emotionally developed beings with highly anthropomorphic mind sets.

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A major shift in the way that I perceived animals occurred when I witnessed lion feeding time at a safari park.

Before this, my greatest insight into the brutality of nature came when I watched two ducks quack viciously at each other as they fought over a piece of bread in my local park.

I gradually came to realise that the primary concerns of animals in reality are much more visceral than those of their animated counterparts.

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Watching nature documentaries such as David Attenborough’s Planet Earth has provided me with a slightly more realistic portrayal of animals.

David has taught me two main things about animals:

  1. Animals are some of the most amazing, beautiful and interesting things in existence.
  2. They are also sometimes really scary.

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Whenever I think about sharks, I feel fear rising up inside of me, much like a shark rises up from the depths of the ocean to ambush its unsuspecting prey.

Thinking about the fact that the motion of the fear rising up inside of me is similar to that of a shark tends to get me thinking about sharks even more, leaving me mentally stranded in an infinite loop of terror.

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I have often tried to pinpoint the exact source of my fear of sharks.

Maybe I am afraid of sharks because the film business tends to portray them as malicious man-eaters and, as we know, films are notoriously accurate representations of real life.

Or maybe it is because, on the rare occasions that sharks attack humans, they deliver an initial experimental bite before deciding whether to return and finish the job, which I guess is a bit like when you can try little samples of various food products in Tesco except with less customer service and more blood and death.

I have also considered that my fear is due to the fact that sharks thrive in the ocean, an environment in which I feel completely powerless and vulnerable.

However, there are many other creatures that also flourish in aquatic habitats that do not scare me as much as sharks.

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People often say things such as ‘you are statistically more likely to be struck by lightning or have a vending machine fall on you than be attacked by a shark’.

However, these statements only serve to increase my awareness of other things that could cause me significant bodily harm in addition to sharks.

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A cougar is a bit like a domestic cat but also not like a domestic cat at all.

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In general, the domestic cat will display affection towards you primarily for the purpose of obtaining food.

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In fact, many domestic cats are reliant on humans as a source of food.

Whilst cougars do not display such reliance, they also occasionally view humans as a source of nutritional sustenance.

Like the shark, the cougar is an ambush predator and can jump up to 30 feet in order to attack its chosen prey.

To put this into perspective, 30 feet is the equivalent of 1 30ft long ruler or 30 1ft long rulers.

Before I went to Canada, the prospect of being attacked by a cougar whilst walking through the woods never occurred to me.

Now, however, every little sound that I hear has the potential to be a cougar.

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I do not understand why I am afraid of mice.

Unlike sharks and cougars, mice tend not to display aggression towards people.

Logically, I know that the extent of the damage that a mouse could physically inflict if it came into contact with my body is basically non-existent.

However, logic is not always a reliable tool with which to combat fear.

In fact, when faced with fear, my brain tends to short-circuit and bypass logic completely.

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I know that mice look like this.

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However, under the influence of fear, my brain refuses to acknowledge this fact and the way in which I react to the presence of a mouse is indicative of a much more threatening appearance.

img_0723The fact that I am scared of mice despite their diminutive appearance leads me to think that I am afraid, not of the mouse itself, but of the way in which it moves.

Mice move with a randomness and unpredictability which can be seen to mimic the unforeseeable nature of life.

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Human beings are by far the scariest animals on the planet.

Our superior intellect and natural creativity has enabled us to become the Earth’s current apex species.

However, our capacity to think beyond ourselves and our direct biological needs has also been the source of some very scary things.

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