9 Signs That My Mental Health Is Going Tits Up

May 30, 2023May 30, 2023 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ Leave a comment

Being a human on this planet, whilst fascinating, beautiful and ultimately a privilege, can also be a complete headfuck.

The world these days is absolutely mental and, due to the evolution of modern mass media, it is pretty much impossible to shield yourself from the seemingly incessant stream of bollocks going on.

Every now and then, my brain decides to deal with this near constant influx of random crap by casually imploding in on itself and ceasing to function like a normal human thinking machine.

Over the years, I have become quite adept at noticing the signs that I am going down a mental health hole which I have narrowed down in this blog post because expressing this stuff is supposed to be cathartic and that right?

1. Making completely unaffordable travel plans

Whether the cause of my mental health blip is situational or a surprise ‘oh I am randomly not functioning’ sneak attack, my first gut instinct when I start to feel the beginnings of the big sad is to run away from everything and everyone.

As a result, I will often find myself manically researching holidays in a fit of unregulated escapism with absolutely no regard for my bank balance or personal safety.

I guess I am operating under the rational that being on an extreme adventure holiday in the arctic circle will momentarily distract me from the intensity of my thoughts and emotions, even if I am living under the vague threat of a polar bear attack…

2. Weird eating patterns

The next sign of a lapse in my mental stability is a complete collapse in the stability of my eating schedule.

What my brain considers to be an adequate source of sustenance during these periods suddenly becomes incredibly dubious.

Often the notion of three healthy meals a day will completely disintegrate and I will find myself randomly eating the most immediately accessible food at whatever time my body decides it should probably ingest some calories.

Honestly, eating Cheerios dry out the packet at 1am when I am in fact the complete antithesis of cheery is a real vibe…

3. Impulsively buying shit online

One of the main ways in which I monitor the state of my mental health is by keeping track of how much random shit I’m buying off Amazon.

If I’ve got over five functionally useless items in my basket, I know it’s time to get concerned. If we hit double figures, it’s crisis point – like, I’m only one impulse buy of a make your own bath bomb set away from a complete mental collapse.

I’m not sure why I experience this impulse to buy copious amounts of useless shite as I am normally not a particularly materialistic person. I guess part of me thinks that if I accumulate enough random objects it will eventually fill the insatiable chasm in my soul. Or maybe rock salt lamps are just chill and pretty and that. Who knows…

4. Getting trapped in existential thought spirals

Another sign that I am tits deep in the mental health bollocks is a complete loss in my capacity to lift myself out of meandering thought patterns.

The tiniest thing can send me spiraling into a pit of existential angst and leave me contemplating the very nature of existence.

Ironically, during big sad times, my brain becomes completely numb to big life issues and instead decides to grapple intensely with insignificant concepts which is always a wild ride.

5. Crying over illogical things

My emotional system will also be irrationally sensitive during a flare up of the big sad.

It doesn’t really matter what emotional input my brain is experiencing, every single thing will go into the emotional processing machine and come out the other end twenty-billion times more intense than it should be.

As a result, any kind of remotely sad/ happy/ frustrating/ cute input into my system will immediately translate into OK SO APPARENTLY WE ARE CRYING NOW which is always a good look.

6. Having deep introspective chats with the dog

I live with two dogs, both of whom absorb the brunt of my emotional and existential chaos.

Something about the simplicity of a dog’s priorities is incredibly comforting and grounding when you are feeling the full brunt of your human brain.

As a result, I will often spend extended periods of time stroking their fur and telling them about my inherent self-destructive tendencies and the pitfalls of my ego etc. whilst they look up at me with a simultaneous sense of complete understanding and total bafflement.

7. Malfunctioning in social situations

I am not particularly good at the performative aspects of social interaction at the best of times.

However, when my brain is functional state, it is usually able to flick through a rolodex of socially acceptable responses and select an appropriate one for the type of conversation I am engaging in.

However, when I am going through a mental health flare, the complete overwhelm in my brain will cause a glitch in the system and the rolodex will start to spit out random responses regardless of the context of the situation which can be awkward and confusing for all parties involved.

8. Apologising excessively to everything and everyone

During a mental health flare, I will also become irrationally convinced that my existence is inconvenient to everyone and everything which logically I know is not true but for some reason is suddenly a completely compelling narrative for my big sad brain to believe.

This particularly stupid side effect manifests itself in a myriad of different ways.

Sometimes, it will involve me saying sorry to to someone after they bump into me and then proceeding to say sorry for having said sorry when they tell me it was ridiculous for me to have said sorry in the first place.

Other times, I will find myself on my knees, weeping whilst cradling the withered form of my dead house plant, beseeching my failures as a mother. Honestly so random guys!

9. Regressing to sentient flesh lump status

Over the years, I have developed an elaborate network of coping mechanisms to prevent the big sad crazy depresso times from developing in my brain.

However, whilst you can put measures in place to stop yourself going down the hole, there is not a massive amount you can do once you are there.

All you can really do be present with yourself as you are, embrace the concious flesh lump vibes you’ve got going on and know that eventually the big sad will fuck off into the ether and you will feel like a slightly less deranged version of yourself again.

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to check out some of my other posts. For more blog posts and drawings, you can also follow me on Instagram and Facebook .

The Art of Taking a Good Passport Photo…

January 20, 2019April 16, 2021 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 2 Comments

I love my passport – it enables me to travel all over the world and explore different countries.

However, there is one aspect of my passport that I do not like at all.

In my passport, I would ideally like a photo that portrays me as a happy, sun-kissed, free-spirited world traveller. Unfortunately, my current photo makes me look like a combination of a pale washed-out convict and a potato.

Now, I’m sure that there is a subtle art to taking a good passport photo – I just don’t have a clue what it is. As far as I’m concerned, it’s absolutely impossible.

In fact, I’m pretty certain that the secret to taking a good passport photo is just to have a good face in the first place, the kind of face that will still manage to look nice when it is stripped of all emotion and framed in awkwardly bright light before being stamped on an official document.

Unfortunately, I do not have one of these faces, which really doesn’t do anything for my passport photo’s overall aesthetic.

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to check out some of my other posts. For more blog posts and drawings, you can also follow me on Instagram , Facebook and Twitter.

How Not To Pack For A Holiday.

July 31, 2017July 31, 2017 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 10 Comments

I live in UK – a country that is notorious for having bad weather.

However, I would argue that problem with the weather in the UK is not that it is consistently bad but that it is not consistent at all. summer_LI

In summer, the idea of travelling abroad in search of more consistently nice weather becomes very appealing, especially as the internet provides us with access to thousands of websites advertising exciting holiday destinations.

This year, however, the number of travel destinations available to me has been somewhat limited by the amount of money in my bank account.

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I have decided to stay at home this summer which is probably for the best because I am not very good at preparing to go on holiday.

This is mainly because I have a tendency to pack significantly more than I need in order to compensate for a range of (often completely implausible) scenarios.

My tendency to pack excessive amounts extends beyond clothing.

When packing, I am fully conscious of the fact that I’m going on holiday for a couple of weeks.

However, for some reason, I insist on taking enough toiletries to open up a beauty store.

I guess I find it comforting to set off on my travels safe in the knowledge that if I was unable to return home, I would have sufficient supplies to establish a living for myself in the local cosmetics industry.

I probably read about four books in a three month period.

However, when I go on holiday, I pack under the assumption that my reading speed will increase so drastically that I will manage to get through the same amount of books in the space of a single week.

Once I have gathered everything that I intend to take with me together, I tend to spend around half and hour glancing back and forth between the mountainous pile of clothes, books and toiletries and my suitcase, thinking that fitting everything in will require me to defy the physical laws of the universe.

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Any sensible person would approach this task in a logical way, neatly folding each individual piece of clothing before placing them one by one into their suitcase.

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In contrast, I attempt to shorten the process by adopting a more unrefined ‘shove it all in and hope for the best’ approach.

This involves throwing all of my possessions into my bag in the hope that they will miraculously adopt the physical properties of a liquid and adapt to fit the shape of their container.

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When this doesn’t work, I resort to sitting on top of the suitcase and using my entire body weight in a vain attempt to compress its contents down to a size where it is possible to close the zip.

When this proves ineffective, I add the force of gravity to the equation.

However, the sheer force of my possessions pressing against the confines of the suitcase is enough to create an equal and opposite reaction that overwhelms the downward motion of my body.

Once I have realised that the force of my willpower alone is not enough to pack my bag, I tend to adopt the more tactical approach of rolling my clothes up like burritos in order to reduce their volume.

However, reducing the volume of the luggage only serves to increase its density, meaning that by the time my suitcase is fully packed, it is so heavy that it develops its own gravitational pull.

Getting to the airport becomes a struggle between my desire to move forwards towards the departure gate and the force of my bag dragging me backwards.

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to check out some of my other posts. I often have profound thoughts on important, life-affirming subjects such as dogs, social awkwardness and scary animals that freak me out.

For more blog posts and drawings, you can also follow me on Facebook and Instagram.