The Story Of My First Ever Date.

March 14, 2018February 14, 2019 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 14 Comments

When I was eight, I went on a date with a boy named Alex.

Alex was nine.

I was quite nervous and excited, as most people tend to be on their first date with an older man.

At the time, I thought that Alex was very cool because he had a pair of Spiderman sunglasses which he wore all the time, even when it was cloudy.

He also owned a sick pair of wheels in the form of a scooter and I therefore assumed that he was the kind of guy who could whisk me off into the sunset – or as close to sunset as we could get before his legs got tired.

I had also once witnessed Alex do a wheelie on his scooter and he hadn’t been wearing a helmet or elbow pads at the time, which was exactly the display of death-defying daredevilry that really got my heart racing.

Looking back, I now realise that my perception of Alex was slightly warped.

In reality, Alex probably looked a bit like this:

But, to eight year old me, he was a practically a god on two wheels.

As far as I was concerned, I had bagged myself an absolute stud and, as a result, I had high expectations our date.

However, once we actually sat down together, it quickly became apparent that we had absolutely nothing in common.

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After 10 minutes of uncomfortable silence, Alex cracked.

I hadn’t been expecting to get engaged 10 minutes into my first ever date.

I thought that things were potentially moving a bit fast but I was new to the world of dating and didn’t really understand how things worked so I just assumed that this was the natural rate at which the majority of relationships progressed.

I reasoned that organising a wedding would give us something to talk about and obviously didn’t realise that there were other ways of escaping an awkward silence than committing myself to a lifetime of matrimony.

We recruited Alex’s friend, Derek, to conduct the ceremony and wrote the word ‘priest’ on his head in Sharpie to make things feel a bit more official.

As a result, our wedding ceremony was a bit unorthodox.

Towards the end of the ceremony, Derek asked us if we promised to love each other for all eternity.

Alex said that he swore on his Blue Eyes White Dragon Yugioh card which, according to him, was his most prized possession.

He told me that it was one of the best Yugioh cards in existence and that he had been forced to go to some serious measures to acquire it.

For a while, I entertained myself by imagining the noble and chivalrous deeds that my new husband had undertaken in order to obtain the card.

However, as is often the case in life, the reality of the situation did not exactly match up to my expectations – it turned out that Alex had forged a number of fake Yugioh cards and swapped them with another boy in exchange for the Blue Eyes White Dragon card.

Our marriage disintegrated pretty rapidly from there.

I decided that I could not possibly be wed to such a corrupt and soulless man and decided to annul the marriage there and then.

Alex consequently asked me for his gummy ring back so I took off the ring and ate it right in front of his disbelieving face.

It remains, to this day, the most badass thing that I’ve ever done.

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It’s Almost Valentine’s Day So Here Is a Post About Love.

February 9, 2018March 8, 2018 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 4 Comments

In our complex world filled with political upheaval and relentless technological innovation, love is seen as the one ultimate universal truth – it is something that we can all experience regardless of who we are or where we come from.

However, for something that is often portrayed as the purest thing in existence, love is incredibly confusing.

This is especially relevant when it comes to the process of finding love.

Dating in the modern era often feels like playing a highly tactical strategic game – a game in which you assume the other person is adhering to the same set of rules as you when in fact they are following a rule book which they have devised for themselves.

The confusion is enhanced by the fact that nowadays a lot of communication is done through technological devices, something which eliminates non-verbal signals, making it harder to decipher what another person is feeling.

I think that dating was probably more straightforward in the olden days when the hot guy in town would fall deeply in love with you before declaring his profound feelings in an elaborate display of affection.

(Just to clarify, my perception of the past has originated from studying highly accurate historical documents such as *The Complete Works of Jane Austen).*

Nowadays, romantic declarations tend to be quite underwhelming in comparison.

Unfortunately, an online message containing the words ‘Netflix and Chill’ doesn’t quite carry the sentimental weight of carefully composed sonnet.

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How Not To Take A Compliment.

January 30, 2018 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 11 Comments

I am not very good at accepting compliments.

My brain doesn’t know how to process them which is silly because receiving a compliment should be a relatively simple process:

1. Receive compliment.
2. Thank person who gave you the compliment.
3. Enjoy boost in self-esteem produced by compliment.

However, I tend to be quite self-critical and therefore I sometimes struggle to align compliments with my vision of myself.

As a result, whenever I receive a compliment, I tend to freak out and do everything in my power to deflect it.

I am trying to get better at handling compliments by reframing how I perceive them.

After all, a compliment is basically a verbal gift.

If someone bought you a physical gift, refusing to accept it and saying ‘no this is not right for me TAKE IT BACK’ would be incredibly rude.

Therefore, even if you don’t 100% agree with a compliment, you should just accept it anyway – out of respect for the person giving the compliment and also yourself.

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I Am a Very Small Fish in a Big, Massive, Confusing Ocean.

January 8, 2018January 8, 2018 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 5 Comments

When I was in school, I used to feel quite important.

My social circle was quite small and I was confident that I was going to achieve all of my goals and everything was going to go swimmingly.

I was essentially was a big fish in a small pond.

However, as I have moved up through the educational system, I have gradually come to realise that this is not the case.

It turns out that I am a teeny tiny fish in a significantly larger body of water.

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I Think I Am Suffering From Holiday Season Withdrawal…

January 2, 2018January 11, 2019 ~ Joanne Sarginson ~ 9 Comments

January is quite a confusing time of year for me.

In the UK, the majority of holidays are concentrated between the months of October and December.

Although I no longer enjoy Halloween and Christmas as much as I used to when I was younger, I still like using the holidays as an excuse to consume a copious amount of food and drink before justifying the consequent damage to my waistline/ general health using the phrase ‘it’s *insert holiday name here* – I deserve to treat myself.’

In addition, the holidays provide winter with a kind of structure, helping to break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks.

There is always an occasion to prepare for and, up until the end of December, it is possible to propel myself through the long dark months of cold miserable weather on a tide of festive merriment.

However, eventually January comes around and I am suddenly released into the new year with nothing on the immediate horizon.

I never know what to do with myself without the incessant stream of holidays that have kept me occupied since late October.

new year

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to check out some of my other posts. For more blog posts and drawings, you can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.